last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
