My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
