I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
