So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
