he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
