Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
