I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
