If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
