Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
