Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
