Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
