What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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