mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
