but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
