I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
