I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She's JV to your varsity
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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