he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
