we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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