You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
