??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
