I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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