I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
