Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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