By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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