UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
