nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
