THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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