Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Randomize
