Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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