Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
