I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
