Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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