I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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