dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
