I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
