You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
