im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
