oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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