ya dads aren't the best wingmen
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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