I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
