did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
i think i just lost a toe
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
