u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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