Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
