I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
