I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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