Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
