If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
