it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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