I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
