those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
