Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
