she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
