quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
